A Journey Deep Read online

  Chapter 3

  Thirty five reps. Not too shabby. I could probably have pushed it to forty, but since I still had 5k to run on the treadmill, I decided to stick at the thirty five mark every day for a week. I got up and wiped my brow on a towel. Ralph was cycling. He said he could get away with only cycling because his body remembered gravity where mine was really just learning. He was eating snacks while doing it, so I wonder just how much good it did him. He was also watching programs from Earth on his holocom. Yeah, he was very serious about the exercise.

  I got on the treadmill and punched in the setting the doctors want me on. Ralph laughed at something on the holo and caught me rolling my eyes at him.

  "You know, you'd do good to watch some of this."

  "Thanks. Pass."

  "No better way to get the feel of a society than to watch what they consider entertainment."

  I had tried, several times in fact. I just didn't understand the hype. All these television programs, as they call them even though "televisions" have been outdated for years upon years now, are pointless. They are filled with things I don't understand and don't care to figure out. I told it to Ralph weeks ago and he brushed it off.

  "Trust me. Watch and you'll get hooked."

  I didn't want to get hooked. The more I found out about Earth life, the less I wanted to know. Take television programs. Why? I understand that there are many kinds. I can see the value in the ones that teach. I understand that the government happenings are broadcast for everyone to watch, and I think that's good. Lets people know what's happening. But what about all the others? Why do cartoons exist?

  "To keep kids busy," said Ralph.

  "But why?"

  "You're trying to read too much into it, kid. It's entertainment. A diversion from real life."

  "But why?"

  He had waved his hand at me in annoyance. "Bah. You're too Qitan."

  He meant it as an insult. He said it before when I asked questions he didn't have the answers to. I never took it as an insult.

  I plodded on my treadmill. At this point, it had been seven weeks since I'd started the daily grind on these conditioning machines and I thought I was doing pretty well. I hadn't used the walker for a month, even on the days when my muscles were beat and threatened to quit. The doctors said that had more to do with my lungs than anything else, that they were finally working "under load".

  Lena started bringing me things from Earth to study. Ralph made it clear one day when we were in the showers after a work out that she was the only one I was to speak to about, well, anything. Me. My life. Our travels. He always has talked like that in the showers. He said I'd understand later, and just to follow his lead and trust him. So we talked in the showers over the noise of the water running.

  Anyway, Lena brought me all kinds of things to look at. I liked the books and papers she uploaded to my holocom a lot better than the television programs. I got in an argument with her one day over one of the fashion "zines" she uploaded. I looked through and found a picture that got me worked up, then ended up having to wait all through the night before I could grill her about it.

  "So Ashnahta being green is a problem, but this guy here who's blue is normal? Hm?"

  She was following the bot in who was brining in our breakfast and had her vital check halfway off her belt. The question caught her off guard. "What?"

  "Here." I jumped off my bed and thrust the holocom at her. "Explain that!"

  She glanced at the picture. "That's Honree DuPree," she said, as if that explained anything.

  "And he's blue."

  "So?" She waved a hand. "He's a designer, Jake. He's supposed to be eccentric."

  "But you laugh at Asnahta for being green."

  Ralph laughed around the breakfast he was already shoving into his mouth. "He's got you there, Lena."

  Lena put her hand on my arm and actually looked sorry. "Jake. I didn't mean to offend your friend. You know what? You're right. I guess I never thought about it before."

  I accepted her apology. Sort of. She was trying to help me after all, which was more than anyone else in Utopia.

  Actually, once I thought about it, aside from the never ending revolving doctors who didn't even give so much as a name before they leave and never return, Lena was the only one we had any contact with. I saw people. Not on our ward, but outside. Out the windows. Through the foot of our glass, looking in through their foot-thick glass in different hallways, different buildings. I saw "cars", as Lena called them even though they were clearly personal transports. "They've always been called that," she said when I pointed it out. I saw people all over. Hundreds. The place was big enough for thousands. But we never saw any of them.

  "Ralph?"

  He was still engrossed in his snacks and shows. His feet barely moved on the pedals of his cycle and he only grunted in response.

  "Why can't we talk to anyone?"

  "Uhn." Crunch of snacks, giggle at the show.

  "I mean it. Why doesn't anyone ever come in here?"

  "What?" He pushed the stop button on his holo. "What are you going on about?"

  "No one ever sees us. Why not?" I was starting to get out of breath.

  "They will. When you're ready." He clicked the holo back on and made a show of pretending to exercise again.

  Oh. When I was ready. "What does that mean?"

  "It means when you're ready. More work out, less chit chat."

  I kicked it up a gear and thought about that. When I'm ready. When will I be ready? How many more kilometers did I have to run on machines? Or weights did I have to lift? Why wasn't it enough already? "When will I be ready?"

  "For god's sake, I don't know. I don't make the rules. Now do your run and let me be."

  After my shower, I went back into my room and sat by the window, just as I had done for seven weeks straight. I'm not prone to being bored. Maybe it was all the time on the small ship. Maybe it taught me early on to entertain myself. I usually spent the time between showering and eating looking at the holocom info from Lena for the day. Or looking out the window and mentally mapping the visible planets and stars, as Stephan had taught me. Or looking at the structures of the buildings I could see in the red rocks of outside Mars, seeing what I could figure out about the tribe from the external clues, as Dad taught me. Or just letting my mind wander like I taught myself.

  But this time, I got bored. I couldn't focus on anything. For the first time in my life, a room seemed too small. I got up and walked to the door and placed my hand on the reader lock as Lena did every day, as Ralph did when we went to exercise. It blinked the red "denied" sign.

  "Ralph." He was laying with his eyes closed and his arm over his face, quietly humming a little song. "Ralph, come put your hand on this lock."

  "Hm?"

  "This lock won't open for me. Come put your hand on it."

  "Why?"

  "Because I want to go for a walk."

  He gave a little laugh. "Sorry. No can do, kiddo."

  "Why not?"

  "Because it's not in our schedule."

  That got me angry. "So what? I want to walk around."

  "Can't."

  "But..."

  He sighed heavily and looked out from under his arm. "Let it go, kid. Lena will be in soon and you can talk to her for awhile."

  "I don't want to talk to Lena. I want to go for a walk." It was an idle thought before, but once I had been told I couldn't, getting out of the room became a mission.

  Ralph pushed himself up. "Look, Jake. I know it's not fun. But right now, we've got to play along, okay?"

  Well that went and pushed me over the edge. "Play along?" I screamed. "Like I haven't been playing along! I got in that suit and I made that jump, didn't I? I went through the pain and agony of catching back up and leaving everything in my life behind. I've spent the last two months working myself to the bone, and all of it to 'play along'! I think I earned a damn walk!"

  I never exploded like that. Something in
me just snapped. Ralph was stunned. He sat there blinking at me.

  I stepped back and looked up at the screen above the door. It was a recorder. I knew it because we had them all over our ship for safety. "What more do you want?" I yelled right into it.

  The door opened suddenly. Lena peeked her head around it and before she knew what was happening, I grabbed the door, pulled it from her hand, and pushed by her.

  "Jake!"

  I turned left. We never turned left. We always went right, straight to the conditioning room. I turned left this time. I could hear Lena's steps behind me, and started running. I could do 5k in my sleep by then. Could she?

  The hall was long. Long and empty. There were no doors, either. Just a long, straight hallway leading to a door at the very end. I ran until I was at the door, then put my hand on the panel. Again, I was "denied". Frustration bottled up inside, and I slammed my body against the door trying to get out.

  You have to believe me that this was not normal for me. Not at all. I've never been violent. I've never punched or hit anything. I've never had an outburst. And frankly, it was all as scary to me as it must have been to the others.

  "Jake," came Lena's voice behind me. "Calm down. You're going to hurt yourself."

  I stood with my head pressed against the door. "I want to leave."

  "You can't right now. You've got your reconditioning."

  "I want to leave. Now."

  "Calm down." It was Ralph's voice.

  "No." Unreasonable? Sure. And I'm not sorry.

  "Maybe we should head back to the conditioning equipment. Let you work off some of this angst."

  I turned around. "I demand to see my doctor."

  Lena looked to Ralph. "I..."

  "No. I demand to see my doctor." I sat on the floor then. I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't know if it would do any good at all. But I did it. I just sat there, against the door. "I'm not moving until I do."

  Ralph sighed and threw his hands up. "You're on your own, kid."

  "Wait! Don't let him do this," Lena said to Ralph quickly.

  "What do you want me to do? Pick him up and drag him back? Kid's got a point. Let him see the doc and let the doc start answering his questions. My excuses aren't working anymore. Neither are yours."

  "You don't want him to defy them," she hissed. I wasn't supposed to hear her. But she was panicked, and panicked people cannot whisper to save their lives.

  I saw an opportunity. "I'm not defying anyone. I just want answers."

  She turned to me and crouched down. I felt like a little kid again, getting a lecture from Daniel on stealing sweets or from Mother about why I shouldn't put my fingers in the power ports. "Jake. Come to your room. Come eat your dinner and..."

  "No."

  She pursed her lips. "I'm telling you, you don't want to do this. Eat dinner, and while you're doing that I'll get on the com and put in a request for a visit and..."

  "I'm not moving."

  She stood and crossed her arms over her chest. "You do realize this will accomplish nothing, don't you? This is StarTech you're dealing with. They don't cave. You can't have a battle of wills with them because they will simply refuse to get involved."

  I thought I had her. I'm sure of it now. "Oh, yeah? You work for them. But I don't. I'm the first person born off world." As I spoke, I felt the truth of it. It was finally something I could hold on to, hold over them. I stood up, but didn't leave the spot by the door. "You think I don't know how much they're looking at me to prove it's fine? I'm a kid, but I'm not a moron. You don't think I get that I am the experiment?"

  Lena did not know what to say. Ralph looked as if he was biting back a smile. I hit the nail on the head and ran with it.

  "That's right. I know. I know I'm being watched, that everything I do is being recorded. I'm the lab rat. I'm the alien. Don't you think I get that?"

  "Jake," she said, trying to regain her composure. "Even if you are..."

  "There's no 'if' about it."

  Lena pinched the bridge of her nose and took a deep breath. "I understand your frustration..."

  "You don't understand anything!" I screamed. To my humiliation, my voice cracked and I felt tears building. "I want to go home. I'm done being an experiment. Can a space kid adapt to human life? Nope. Sorry. There's your answer." I turned and yelled into the recorder above the locked door. "Experiment failed! Now send me home!"

  The door opened. It simply turned green and swung open. Lena gasped. I turned to Ralph, looking for approval. He shrugged. I put my hand on the door and pushed it the rest of the way open, half expecting...something. Someone to stop me. Some alarm to sound. Someone to come running. But none of that happened. The door opened to reveal a small room with a keypad. I stepped in and Ralph came with me.

  "It's an elevator," he said.

  "Oh."

  On the keypad, two numbers were lit, one green, one red. "Hit the green one," Ralph said. So I did, then the other lit up. "Now that one." I hit the second and the door shut behind us and it started moving. "It's like the garbage chute," he told me, then laughed at the look of horror I knew I was making. "No, no. Just goes up and down to another section. We're not going to be incinerated."

  We stood in silence while the room moved us. "I'm not sorry," I said after a minute.

  "I know. I'm not either." He gave me a grin to let me know he meant it and I felt tremendously better. I didn't want Ralph mad at me. He was all I had.

  The room stopped and the door opened. We both stood looking down another hallway, this one completely of thick glass. It lead to another building. "Please exit the elevator," came an electronic voice that made me jump. We stepped out. Even the floor of the hall was glass and we could see we were very high up, the red rocks of Mars impossibly far below us. I froze, for a terrifying second feeling as if there really was no floor under us.

  Ralph whistled. "Well, StarTech still knows how to make an impression." He thumped my back and urged me forward. "Eyes up and you'll be fine. Hell, you were walking in space before you could read. Just pretend."

  The flaw with that logic is that in space, you really aren't going to fall. The worst that could happen is that you'd float off the wrong way and someone would have to go and grab you. And the very worst would be that nobody did grab you, but even that would be a gentle death. You'd simply float around until you went to sleep. My point is that there is never a threat of splattering on jagged rocks when you walk in space. It was not at all the same.

  We made it to the other side. A door opened for us when we were still a few steps away and a man in a nicer suit than ours stood waiting. As soon as we got near, he stuck his hand out to Ralph. "Mr. Buttrick, let me welcome you home." He sounded friendly enough, but his expression did not change.

  Ralph shook the hand, then gave a small laugh. "Not home yet, but thanks."

  The man turned to me and stuck his hand out. "Young Master Cosworth, welcome."

  I shook the hand and was startled to realize it was not a man, but a bot. I shot a look to Ralph who gave me a little nod. "Uh, thanks," I said.

  "This way, gentlemen." He turned and walked down a hallway. Unlike the one in our quarters or the glass one we just crossed, this hallway was something entirely different. It was wood, for one thing. Ralph told me later that it must have cost a fortune to get Earth wood up there just to make the office pretty. It did, though. I'd never seen wood like it. The wood on Laak'sa is always shades of green and very smooth, more like a stalk of broccoli. On v-2445, the "wood" they had was pulpy, too smooshy to use as a building material. And though Ralph tried to jog my memory about another planet we orbited when I was young that was very similar to Earth, only without sentient life, I don't remember anything like it. This wood was brown, with almost swirly patterns. And it almost gleamed in the soft lights that lined the walls. It felt very calm. And I could smell it. I could really smell the wood. I like the hallway. If I ever get my own ship, I don't care how much it costs. I will line my entire
cabin with wood.

  The other big difference was that this hallway had many doors and many people. Or bots. I soon found out it was very difficult to tell without touching them if they were human or bots at a glance. Sure, talking to them you could pick out little differences. Some bots don't even try to mimic facial expressions. But some do. Others have little mechanical hiccups, little ticks that repeat in ways no human would. And others blended so well that there was no way to tell at all.

  No one spoke to us as we passed, but many gave smiles or nods. They all had StarTech uniforms of different designs. We twisted and turned down hallway after hallway past room after room. Some were on coms. Some were at desks working. Some were talking to each other. I was trained from birth to study, to look for similarities and differences. It's something I never really gave thought to before. As we walked the hallways, I began to notice that those behind desks had one uniform, while those talking to each other had different ones. Several people pushing carts had basic uniforms, while one woman who walked past us like she owned the place had a very nice looking one covered in patches. What job you have determines what uniform you get. I wondered if the people pushing the carts were in Lena's class.

  And none of them had our uniforms.

  We entered another elevator and the bot pressed the lit number on the keypad. It only took seconds, and then the door opened into a large room. I thought the wood panels were something. They were nothing compared to the obvious richness of this room. I know I don't know people. I have no idea what passes for luxury on Earth. But sometimes you don't have to know to be able to tell. Wealth is the same, no matter the planet. You can look into a room on Laak'sa or v-2445 or, apparently, Utopia and just be able to know the ones you are about to deal with are at the top. There is a feeling you get, some subtle clue that tells you to stand still and not touch anything. So that was what I did.

  A man behind a large desk across the room glanced up, saw us, and said something quickly to his com. He stood and walked over, his hand out to Ralph.

  "Sergeant Buttrick. I cannot tell you how excited I've been waiting to finally meet you!"

  Ralph shook the man's hand. "And you are?"

  "Reginald Luckston."

  A smile spread over Ralph's face. "Johnny's son?"

  Reginald smiled as well. "Grandson." He waved a finger at Ralph. "You've been gone longer than you think, sir."

  Sir? Sergeant? Interesting. I never thought of Ralph having a rank. Or being treated with that much respect, actually. To me we were all equal on the ship. Well, not Mother. She outranked us all. But everyone else was just the same. Interesting, indeed.

  Reginald stuck his hand out to me and when I shook it, he grabbed it with both hands and pumped it very excitedly. "And this is Jake. My god! You can't believe how thrilling this is. I'm positively tingling!" He was grinning and shaking and all in all I was completely uncomfortable. He pulled his hand back and held it up. "Look! Shaking with excitement!" He motioned towards two seats near his desk. "Sit. Sit. Charles!"

  The bot came up. "Yes, sir?"

  "Get these men a drink. And call for Bradley and the team."

  "Yes, sir."

  Ralph sat, motioning for me to do the same. The seats were fluffy and felt like they were sucking me in. I struggled, then found if I sat forward I could perch on the edge and be safe. "Bradley? As in Colonel Justin Bradley?" Ralph asked.

  "Admiral Justin Bradley," he corrected. "He passed years back. But his databank was uploaded to his doppel-bot. We couldn't run things without him."

  "Uh huh," said Ralph. "And what would a doppel-bot be?"

  Reginald frowned and looked at Ralph for a minute before shaking his head. "Wow. I mean, I understand you've missed a lot, but I suppose I've never thought how much. Boy. Um...a doppel bot. Okay, well our thoughts and memories are recorded in the implants, then when our bodies die, a double is made in the form of a bot. Doppelganger, doppel-bot..."

  "I see."

  "It's Bradley, or at least what he knows. Just in a bot form." Reginald flashed another grin and ran a hand through his hair. "Wow. It's really you. And you haven't aged. It's amazing."

  Ralph gave an uncomfortable laugh. "I have aged."

  "Not nearly like you should. You should be dead like the rest of your contemporaries."

  Ralph looked at him and said slowly, "Yes. Well. I'm not."

  "I'm sorry," he said quickly, and I got the feeling he meant it. "I didn't mean to put it that way." Reginald sat back and put his fingertips together. I'd learn he always does this when he's thinking. "You're the first. Well, both of you. You are a pair of firsts. We've never had anyone come back before. To us it's been so very long. You were put in a ship...what? Eighty six years ago."

  "Has it been that long?"

  "Here, yes." He sat forward, gesturing on his desk while he spoke. He's a very expressive man. "Think of it. My grandfather, one of your best friends as I understand..."

  "One of the very best."

  "He waved goodbye and eighty six years here passed, while for you, it's only been...what?"

  "Sixteen or so," I offered.

  Reginald turned to me. "And you! Look at you! Not even a twinkle in anyone's eye back then and look at you. A teenager, when you yourself should be getting near death!" He sat back and ran his hand through his hair again, messing up the whole "rich man" look and not even caring. I started to like him. "It's always just been theory. No one else has returned."

  "None from the early missions?"

  Reginald frowned. "Mr. Buttrick..."

  "Ralph."

  He flashed a grin. "Okay, Ralph it is! Ralph, no one from any mission before you or after has returned."

  "There were ones after?"

  Reginald almost exploded in his excitement. "Dozens! One a year for about a decade after, then our tech got better and we could pump out the ships faster, two a year since. We gave up for a few years when it looked hopeless and concentrated on solar travel only when we finally started getting communications from Eunice Cosworth herself. Well, not me," he said, turning to me to explain. "My father."

  "Little Petie," said Ralph.

  "Yes. Peter. StarTech had almost lost any hope at all when we received a communique saying that the jump was a success and that they, or you, landed on an asteroid. So we sent a transmission back, and waited and waited and about once a year, we'd get another message. Frustratingly slow, but hopeful. It made us redouble efforts, made Utopia viable." He pointed at me. "And you." He shook his finger. "You are an impossibility. And your mother kept you a secret for a long, long time."

  I didn't know what to say. I didn't know if I should say anything at all. Ralph handled it for me. "We all did, Reginald. We thought it best."

  Reginald shrugged. "Probably. Dad was a hard man in some ways. But really, what could we have done, hm? Sure, it's illegal. But who's going to stop you?" I grinned at him. I made up my mind to really like him then. "However, I'm not going to lie. You do present us with a problem." The bot entered again and put drinks down in front of us.

  "Bradley and the team have assembled outside, sir."

  "Thank you, Charles. Tell them to wait."

  "Yes, sir." He gave a little bow then turned and left again.

  "We'll face the lions when we have a plan." He sat back and tented his fingers again. I sat waiting to hear why I was such a problem. "No one knows you exist," he said after a few minutes.

  "Oh."

  "Yes, 'oh'. There are conspiracy nuts, of course. Fueled by old men spilling their guts on their death beds and blabby techs that don't know how to keep their mouths shut."

  "Why such a secret?" Ralph asked what I was thinking.

  "Because we didn't know how it would turn out. Simply put, Dad thought it best. And we built everything around that. We have no idea how someone develops in deep space. So what are we going to say, hm? Are we supposed to say that we allowed the world's top scientists to conduct human experimentation in another galaxy?"
He shook his head. "Now don't get me wrong, Jake. I'm not sorry at all that you were born. That's not what this is about. It has always been a requirement of StarTech to forbid procreation off world."

  "But why?"

  "Why? Because the governments of the world demand it."

  "Aren't they having kids on Luna yet?" asked Ralph.

  "Just within the last five years, and only after we could prove that every other species on the planet could successfully carry offspring. You have no idea how much money it's taken to prove to the governments that off world population is viable. First we started with rats. Piles and piles of rats. And then we waited until they approved rabbits. And then it was mounds and mounds of rabbits. And then once we proved that they were born without twenty seven eyes and alien tentacles, then they allowed us to try with cats. And dogs. And pigs. And finally monkeys until they could no longer deny we could try with people. Ah, but only a few people, only volunteers, and on top of that, they had to be terminally ill volunteers."

  Ralph scoffed in disgust. "Oh, for god's sake."

  "I know. But the governments have never been men of science. They have their people too answer to. I get it, more than my father or grandfather. You have to work in the system, take the time to give them the proofs they need, even if you already know these things for fact. It's tiresome, but that's what has to happen. We've got a lot of pull. And if push ever came to shove..." he gave a little shrug. "Let's just say that the governments are becoming antiquated. I don't want that, though. I have no intentions of ever having any control of Earth. I think that's something they just never understood. Let them have Earth. I want them to have it. I've got my sights elsewhere."

  "But..." Ralph supplied.

  Reginald gave a rueful smile. "But...I need them. I need people. And they have made it so that I cannot get people, not long term, anyway, without their say-so. We aren't allowed procreation rights here yet, even though we've already proven it's safe on Luna." Ralph scoffed again. "I know! They think it's different just because Luna's closer to Earth."

  "They can't be that stupid in this day and age."

  Reginald shrugged. "Try telling them that! So we've begun here with the rats and the bunnies." He rolled his hand. "We're all the way up to pigs, though, so it won't be much longer."

  "What does that have to do with me?" I asked.

  "Everything. Like I said, they never believed we don't want Earth. They think that because we have technology that they don't understand that we'll turn it around and use it on them."

  "Why?"

  He shrugged. "Why not? I'd probably be worried about the same in their shoes. Only two things keep us going. First, they need us. They need the minerals we're harvesting on Mars, Luna, and the asteroids. And second, we keep nothing secret. Everything is open, and they are allowed to track our every move."

  Ralph smiled slowly. "Almost everything."

  Reginald pointed at Ralph. "Bingo." He turned his finger to me. "You are our one secret. As soon as it comes out..."

  "They'll question everything you do," I finished for him. I could see it all clearly then.

  "Yep."

  I shrugged. "That settles it. I guess I just have to go back..."

  Reginald sat up straight. "Go back? Dear god no! You can't!"

  "But you just said..."

  "Jake," he said, leaning forward and gesturing with his hands again. "You are our key. You were born not only off world, but in space. Deep space. Space so far away we really didn't even know for sure it existed. You are the proof we need to show the governments that humans are still human no matter where they are born."

  It all sunk in. "So that's why you've been building me up."

  "Conditioning you. It's necessary. If you had stayed in space, maybe not. But if you're going to Earth to walk around and prove you're normal, then you kind of have to be normal. At least, physically. Besides," he said in a kinder tone. "If you didn't condition, it would be even more hell for you. Trust me. It's much easier in this low gravity situation than it would be if you went right to it. When you walk on Earth for the first time, you're going to walk and talk just like them."

  "But you just said I'm supposed to be secret."

  He spread his hands. "And now you see my problem. Now you see why I've kept you in your rooms. I wasn't keeping you prisoner," he said sincerely. "I'm sorry it felt like that. I just...well frankly I didn't know what to do."

  Ralph sipped his drink. I went to pick up mine, but caught his look, and left it alone. Later he told me it was disgusting and he was saving me embarrassment. He was right. I sampled the same kind of beverage later and had to put up with his "I told you so."

  "And do you know what to do now?"

  "I know what we're going to do. I don't know if it'll work."

  "And that is...?"

  Reginald stood and started pacing behind his desk. "We had no idea anyone was returning. That one's easy because it's the truth."

  "But I'm sure Eunice..."

  "Did what? Told us? When? A few months ago to you, a few years from now for us. On that, I can legit plead innocence, and that's exactly what I am planning on doing. We had no idea you were coming back. As to Jake, I think we cry miracle."

  Ralph quirked an eyebrow. "How do you figure?"

  "Back then it wasn't a matter of impotence injections before a mission. We flat out sterilized."

  "Yes," said Ralph with an anger in his voice I'd rarely heard. "I was there."

  Reginald looked sorry, he really did. He looked away uncomfortably and gave a little cough. "Yes. Well we're going with human error. The process was...botched."

  Ralph gave a little grunt. "For both of them? Yeah. That's believable."

  Reginald sighed. "The only other option is the truth, that the great Cosworths went rogue."

  "What's wrong with the truth?"

  "Because I'm trying to keep us moving forward!" Reginald threw his hands in the air. "I can't be a renegade here. I can't let them think we have renegades on our team. Not now. Not when we're so close. Those suits you wore...brilliance. Absolute brilliance. Your holocoms that are filled with Gitar tech..."

  "Qitan," I corrected.

  "Sorry. Qitan. You can't even begin to understand how this moves things forward. And we're already this close," he pinched his fingers almost together, "to formatting the...fah'ti?" I nodded, glad he was making an effort to get it right. "We're almost to where we can use that for instant communication with Condor One."

  I looked to Ralph. "Our ship," he said, as if I should know that. And I did, I suppose, somewhere deep inside. Condor One. Stupid name for a ship. But then again, ship was a stupid thing to call it, too.

  "Instant communication?"

  "Our techs are on it non stop. I think by the end of the week, we'll be able to patch you instantly in to give your mom and dad a hi." He grinned at me.

  I should have been happy. I gave him a little smile, suddenly feeling dread, and not really understanding why. It was what I wanted, what I wanted since I left, right? I noticed Ralph giving me a funny look. "Uh, yeah. Thanks," I said lamely.

  "And if we can get that one working with our equipment...if we can make more...then we can do what the Qitans do and travel the universe." He leaned across his desk. "This must happen. We cannot lose, not when we're so very, very close."

  "Then sit on it. Leave us up here until it's all in place. Let us have a bit of fun on Utopia until you're ready."

  "You've been gone awhile, but some things haven't changed. I already have the press asking about the 'prisoners'." Ralph quirked an eyebrow. "Yes, Ralph. We even have press all the way out here. It's one of the government's ways of keeping tabs, real tabs. I'm sure you've seen them outside. Maybe you didn't even notice."

  "Make something up."

  "And I have been, without actually lying. I've been holding them off. I've had that poor nurse sequestered for weeks and the pool of doctors are only our top scientists. They won't talk. But push is coming t
o shove. Even if Jake here hadn't popped a gasket, this conversation would be happening, the plans would be set into motion. You can only keep people in the dark so long before they light a candle."

  Ralph grinned. "Your grandfather used to say that all the time."

  "He knew far better than Dad how to handle the governments, how to work with them. Dad was more of a loose cannon. Maybe it was because his childhood was so restrictive. But Grandad was right. You have to walk the fine line." He tapped his desk for a minute. "Outside that door I have a team of the brightest minds. Not all scientists, of course. Some are more of public relations types." Ralph groaned. "I hear you. But we need them. They are waiting just outside that door to take whatever story I tell them and run with it."

  "I take it by your tone you pretty much have it pat."

  Reginald smiled and gave a small shrug. "I don't sit in this chair because I look good."

  Ralph gave a nod and sat back. "So what's the story?"

  He turned to me. "My father made no secret of the fact that he thought we'd been duped by your folks. And I tend to agree."

  I felt the anger flare up. "Now wait a minute..."

  "Calm down, kid. You're going to hear that from every nut on the block. I'm just letting you know what you're in for. And personally, I'm happy that they did it."

  I suddenly had to defend them. I had to. I might not know many human people, but some things translate. There was no mistaking the accusation in his tone. "But Mother didn't even know."

  "No, of course she didn't know," he said strangely, giving me some kind of wink as if we shared some joke.

  "She didn't!" I said again, clutching the arms of my chair.

  "And it's great to hear you say that so vehemently. Honestly, I had been worried that a kid raised in a tin can by scientists would be..." he flicked his hand, as if that motion explained everything, or even anything.

  I crossed my arms over my chest, felt my fists flexing. It was happening again. The temper tantrums, as Mother called them. The "normal part of puberty" as Dad said. Reginald was pushing that button and I was having a hard time keeping my calm. "Would be what?" I asked through clenched teeth.

  "You know. Like a robot or something." Reginald shook his head. "Jake, don't take it so personally. You're the first, remember? It's not like we've had anything to base our assumptions on."

  "Then maybe you shouldn't assume," I said, sounding uncomfortably like Mother.

  He put his hands up. "I can't help it. We've had to assume certain things. I'll admit we're wrong on some things and I'm sure you'll quickly set us straight. But you're a man of science, or at least you will be. You've been raised in an environment that breeds educated assumptions. It's part of the equation. We've had to make certain assumptions. Just like your own parents, in some ways we'll be wrong. But in others, we're right. And that's very fortunate for you." He leaned back and looked at me. I got the feeling he was examining his test subject, seeing if his slick words calmed me.

  I hate to admit that they did. He was right. That's just science. How many days and weeks did Mother and Dad spend throwing out ideas about a new world, moon, or asteroid?

  "It's got to have minerals, at least. Something we can harvest for the thrusters."

  "There's no way they think. Look at them...they don't even have structured communities!"

  "I believe that when they shake like that, they are mating. The pattern is very intricate. It's the only thing I can think of."

  Sometimes my parents and the squeaks were right. Sometimes they were wrong. Sometimes the asteroid had tons of useful minerals, and sometimes the shaking, no matter how intricate, was just a sneeze. Could I really get mad at Reginald for wondering about me?

  I sat back. Though I kept my arms crossed, they weren't tense. Reginald sensed that. He has a way of reading people, of assessing the situation in a millisecond that I wish I had. I wonder if Reginald ever gave any thought to exploration himself? I bet he'd be great with a new tribe.

  "Now, the story we're telling is the one you actually believe...with a twist. Your mother and father knew she was pregnant. They were so in love that the rest of the crew got behind them because the thought of terminating the baby was too much of a cross for any of them to bear."

  I gave a snort. I couldn't help it. I loved Mother, but I could not imagine her caring that much for anything if it put a mission, or her science, at risk.

  Reginald tapped his tented fingers and thought for a few moments. "You really are an interesting kid, Jake. One second you're defending your mother, the next..."

  I felt my face redden again. I looked to Ralph, but it was clear he was not going to support me in this. "You just...you don't know her. Science. That's what's important." Reginald's eyebrow went up a bit. Just for a second. But he said nothing more on that. I wonder what the eyebrow twitch was about?

  "I think it's a story we can really work with. Yes, it admits fallibility on our part. But a human fallibility, and that's something we can use right about now. Plus, it'll take you from freak to folk hero," he snapped, "like that. The boy who was loved so much his parents defied both StarTech and every government of the time." He grinned. "It's fantastic."

  Ralph shook his head. "Yeah, for him. What's it going to do to me?"

  "I believe the statute of limitations has run out on those charges. Leave the rest to me. You're the doting uncle type. You've braved the vast reaches of space to help keep the boy safe, to bring him home to know his own people. He's a hero. You're a hero. And hopefully if you two play it right, we'll all be heroes."

  "And if we don't?"

  It was a very good question. "Yeah. What happens if we don't?" I mimicked.

  "If you don't, then we are done." Reginald sat forward and folded his hands. "Gentlemen. Let's forget for a minute that you're employees of StarTech and that I'm your boss."

  Since when? "I'm not..." Ralph shot me a look, the kind you can't ignore. I held my tongue.

  "Let's just look at this whole thing in terms of the big picture. We are on the cusp of what generations have worked and died to accomplish. By coming back, you're the last piece of the frustrating puzzle. For nearly two centuries, true space travel has eluded us. We've sent hundreds out, never to hear from them again. And yet we've known, somehow, that it was possible to go and come back. We just knew it. And now, you're here. Proof.

  "But the proof has come at the expense of the governments. Your parents flagrantly broke the law. Fine, it doesn't matter...as long as you're floating around in a tin can galaxies away. I said it before, what the hell could they possibly do to you all the way out there? Nothing. In fact, to them, your life up until now, the barbaric existence you must have endured in a cramped, lonely vessel untold millions of miles away from any other human life will be adequate punishment." He held up a hand. Reginald does not like being interrupted. "And that's not an assumption, that's a fact. I didn't say it's true, not to you. But it is a fact that's how they'll see it and that's exactly how I'll spin it if I need to.

  "You have lived your life so far out of the realms of their world that they cannot wrap their minds around it. They simply can't. There's no room in government for creativity. There's no room in the board meetings and legal sessions for imagination. To them, deep space travel is...well, no more than a movie. And they've had plenty of proof. Two hundred years, in fact."

  On that, I really did have to object. I didn't know much about the history of human space travel. I'd be the first to admit I ignored HuTA too much. But I did know about Luna. I was walking around Utopia. They were real, they were there. Even if the governments knew nothing about our survival, they knew that living in space was most certainly possible. I said as much. Reginald listened.

  "I like how passionate you are about deep space travel. We need that." He gave me a patronizing smile. "You're young and naive. I wish I could remember how to be like that. I've been born into this half world, raised in it. I watched first my grandfather, then my father get
beaten down by people who appeared to intentionally misunderstand what was plainly in front of their faces. What we know, they will never understand. But on the flip, I can see their point of view."

  Ralph scoffed. "Don't tell me StarTech's now in the pockets of the government."

  "Sergeant Buttrick, I can assure you we most certainly are not!" He was truly angry. "But my father turned a lot of suspicious people in to flat out enemies and I've had to work within the system, within both systems to repair what's almost been lost." He ran a hand through his hair. "You do not understand how close we've been to being shut down. The only reason we're still here is because they need the ores we mine. As far as the governments are concerned, they only support us as far as that. What's the point if deep space travel in terms of the human race if we've got what we need? One crisis is over, and they're happy as clams to rest pat and not push the envelope.

  "But people want it. People want the travel. People feel the need to expand, to see what else is out there. We've got Earth down. We've got Luna's number. We've got an incredible hold on Mars, and now we're getting bored. I have the support of people. Hell, I'll have to turn volunteers away at the door when news of you two gets out!"

  "Then what do you need the damned governments for?"

  "Food, for one. Water that we don't have to waste resources creating. We've had limited success with farming on smaller scales. It's getting better every year, but not good enough. Not fast enough. Money...or I should say, ignoring money. As long as we're getting them ores, as long as our scientists are making their lives easier and easier with the stupid byproduct inventions, they're willing to use their comps to erase zeroes. And even though Dad didn't see the value, I know how much easier life for me and all those in StarTech employ will be with governmental support. Do we need them? In the strictest meaning of the word, no. We might be able to make it without them. But think about what that would mean. It would mean choices I don't want on my conscience.

  "I can't send humanity out into the galaxies without knowing we have a plan B. I'm not running away. I'm trying to take everyone to the next step, to grow and spread as a race, as a family. I don't want to leave them behind. I want to take us forward, all of us."

  "Noble," said Ralph. I can't be sure, because he looked sincere, but something says there was more than a little sarcasm implied.

  "Not noble. It's just the mission. StarTech took over where NASA failed. But the ideals are the same. Greater humanity, not a bigger corporation."

  "And Petie didn't see it that way?"

  "Petie watched Grandad age under a mountain of bureaucratic red tape." He gave a laugh. "If I ever have kids, they might turn out like Dad, now that you mention it. Maybe that's just the natural cycle."

  Ralph picked up his glass and took a long sip. I could tell by the look on his face that he was thinking everything over. What was there to think about? He worked for StarTech, he had to do what they said. Isn't that how employment works? He put his drink down and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

  "So what is it you're not saying?" When Reginald gave a small smirk, Ralph crossed his arms. "I'm all ears."

  Reginald waved a finger at Ralph. "Grandad always said you were the smart one in the bunch." I didn't think of Ralph as the smart one. He was...Ralph. He was always just there. An uncle, almost. Someone who gave an opinion only once in awhile. Someone in the background. Reginald was sizing up Ralph, and I found that I was, too. Maybe it's part of growing up, looking at the adults around you in a different way.

  "Our scientists have discovered an Earth-like planet in one of the far arms of our own galaxy. Years ago, we sent a satellite to orbit, followed by a probe to sample. Do you know what we found there?" He didn't wait for a reply. "A civilization remarkably like our own. We've been in deep communications with them, but they are less advanced in terms of technology. Think human history, about the turn of the twentieth century. The correlations are staggering, but for one detail. They have been unable to mount a global population. We believe virus is the reason. And yet, they plod along."

  "Like the Qitani," I blurted out.

  "Possibly."

  "So what does this have to do with us?"

  "We need governmental permission to send manned missions."

  Ralph seemed surprised. "You haven't already?"

  Reginald gave a sly grin. "We need official permission."

  "Which means you have, your people are there, and you're to the point where you have to admit it to the governments."

  I looked back to Reginald, totally wrapped up. It was like one of Dad's spy novels, all these levels of lying and trickery.

  "As I said, we need official governmental permission. Quickly, too, because they have their own nerds and there's only so long we can feed...altered info."

  Ralph's grin spread. "Oh this is good. I thought you said he's the only secret?"

  "I wasn't going to level with you," Reginald said honestly.

  "But?"

  "But I think I rightly summed up the necessity."

  Ralph looked cocky. I had never seen him look cocky before, but that was definitely what he was doing. He put his arms behind his head and beamed. "So what do you want from us?"

  "First, I need you to prove that humans can live in deep space. I need you to appear like any other person, at least in scientific terms. No doubt you'll be put through a few days of testing, but I promise it'll be no worse than you've already had."

  Ralph turned to me, then. "Remember what Eunice put you through after you and Little Blob got stuck in the bogs and you had to cut your way out of your suit to escape?" I shuddered. I always shudder at the memory. It was awful. Quarantine for weeks. Hourly blood tests. Lungs examined on and on and on. Memory testing, coordination drills. She was convinced the exposure would leave me damaged and it took weeks to prove I was just muddy and nothing else. "You lived through that."

  Good point. And Mother the sadist was billion of stars away. I relaxed.

  "They'll do physical tests, and no doubt psychological. I've got nothing yet to indicate any issues there, but we'll still spend a few more weeks getting you ready. And then you'll act as a spokesman for StarTech."

  "What's that?"

  "It's easy. You'll just go around telling people about your life. You'll tell them about the places you've been, the things you've seen."

  I thought of Lena's reaction to the pictures of my friends, the look on her face when she saw the different worlds, my worlds, my life. A queasy feeling flipped in my stomach.

  I couldn't tell people about the things I loved, my people, my tribes. I couldn't stand the thought of seeing that look on their faces over and over. Ralph was on board. I could see it in his look. I had to be on board, too. I could see that in his look as well. This was what we had to do. I had to suck it up. I wouldn't tell them about Little Blob. I wouldn't tell them about Ashnahta. I would tell them about asteroids and breathing the muddy air of v-2445. I would tell them about the dead moons and what it was like to Trekman across the various tundras. I would tell them about living in a ship hurtling through the spaces no human had been in. I would keep my friends to myself. I would keep my life to myself.

  "And what do we get in return?" asked Ralph.

  "For one, you get reinstated as being alive," Reginald said with a laugh. "Full credits returned, with interest. Should be quite an account. You'll get the Cosworth estate back from the museum, of course." He was speaking to me. What estate? Museum?

  "After, I mean. I don't care about the money. After we dance and sing and get your approval, what then?"

  Reginald shrugged. "What do you want?"

  "You've sent a human team to the new planet," Ralph said.

  "Cogen. That's what the natives call it."

  "I want to lead the first official mission. The first one that comes back."

  I turned to Ralph. He never lead missions. Ever. And then it hit me. If Ralph went, I would go, too. "What about Laak'sa?"

&nbs
p; "Laak'sa's been done. I want a new one. Or worlds around it. I want my own mission, Reginald. I want my own team on my own terms."

  I felt the anger rising again, a betrayal. "Ralph, we have to go home." Ralph ignored me. Reginald ignored me. I felt like a little kid again. The grown-ups were talking, dear, time to be quiet. But I didn't want to be quiet. "I have to go back," I said again to Reginald.

  "Jake." Ralph's tone said it all. Not now, dear, time to be quiet. Pat pat go play. I sat there and fumed.

  "I think that can easily be arranged," Reginald was saying, but not to me. He wouldn't look at me. Not the rest of the time we were in there. He couldn't look at me, the wuss. He wouldn't just tell me no. He was going to string me along and let me think there was hope when there was not. And Ralph. I'd have so much to say to him once it stopped hurting. Did he know all along? Why hadn't he said anything?

  "And I want transport back to Laak'sa."

  I was ignored.

  "I mean it. You don't want to be around me anymore, Ralph? That's fine. I'm almost an adult. I'll dress up and talk nice about StarTech and get you your approval and then I want a ticket back to Laak'sa."

  "We'll talk about this later, Jake." He was looking at me as if I just embarrassed him in front of the primary during a ceremonial feast. He was trying to make me feel like that little kid. I wasn't going to let him get away with it. I am not a kid. Not really. Not after all I've seen and done.

  I struggled in the poofy chair, but managed to stand up. I wanted my answer and had no plans to do anything else until I got it. "Why? Why do you get what you want but I don't?"

  "You're a kid. You don't know what's best. Now sit down and stop it with the tantrums."

  "What's best? Seriously?" I had to laugh, but it came out sounding bitter and mean. "You're joking, right? Was it best to send me hurtling through space with no idea if I'd live or die? Hm? Or was it best to take me away from everyone I know? Was it best to send me from the only friends I've ever had? Or the people I love? And all for what? So that Dad can say his kid went to Earth, that's why. So I can be a damned spokesman for a company I don't actually work for, by the way." I said the last part to Reginald. I just wanted to make that fact clear. "That's really what's best for me? I'll do your bit. And then I want to go home. Period."

  Reginald looked at Ralph. Ralph looked at Reginald. Ralph looked at me and clenched his teeth. But I would not back down. Finally he threw his hands in the air. "You don't even know you'll want to go back! Maybe you'll find some hot little human and want to stick around. You're so hell bent on hating Earth. Has it ever occurred to you that you might like it? No. It hasn't. Because you're too busy moping and sulking. I thought more of you than this, Jake. I really did. You didn't have a problem moving to new worlds out there. Why do you have such an aversion to it here? No," he said quickly. "Don't answer. I don't want an answer because it won't be real. Just think about it. I will not make Reginald agree to your terms because you are a child and your parents put your welfare in my hands. So until you turn eighteen, you're stuck with my decisions. My decision is that you'll stop acting like a baby, suck it up, and deal with it. And you'll do it because this is something your parents spent their entire lives working for. I don't care if it means nothing to you. It means everything to me."

  And with that, the case was closed. He put me in my place good. I'm not saying I was acting like a baby, like he said. Didn't I get up every day and jump through their ridiculous hoops? The evidence was clear in my arms and legs. I had the muscles of the Qitani athletes that compete for their community standings! I was reading the crap Lena kept giving me, which I now realize was ordered by StarTech. I was doing the research, I was putting in the work. And I hadn't complained about it, not much anyway. I was not being babyish, and that was a low blow.

  But he was right about it being my parents' life work. Their number one goal was human interaction with every sentient species across the universe. And after I cooled down in my room by staring out the starlit window while Ralph pretended not to be angry with me, I thought about Reginald's position, StarTech's position in the world and beyond. They are right on the threshold of Mother and Dad's best dream, and I could help them get there. I could help realize the goals of every member of our crew. I could stop being the accidental kid underfoot and start being a true Cosworth in my own right.

  And after I did, I would approach Reginald and request my payment. It was a fair payment. It was not like I was asking for the same as Ralph, to take over anything at StarTech. I didn't think I was demanding anything unreasonable at all. I was simply asking to go home. Older, wiser. Maybe bring new tech of ours, maybe be able to send back further advances from the Qitani. I thought it was a fair price. Reginald just had to see that I earned it. With new resolve and a "big plan" firmly settled in my head, I felt secure. If I was good enough, I thought there was no way he could turn me down.